no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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