you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
All I want is dick and wine.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
