I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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