I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
