one two three fourrrrnication!
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
