They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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