Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
did i walk over a car last night?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
