Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
