i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
