He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
