Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
