we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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