Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
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