my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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