Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
