I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
