Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
