So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
