Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
