i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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