Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
