tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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