this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
