Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
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