trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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