were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
