I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
