why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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