Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
