You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
