That's when you crack a 10am beer
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
