Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
