we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize