dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We have started to decorate penises.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
