I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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