Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
we should paint friendship bongs
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
