I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
