just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
