I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
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