He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
