My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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