ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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