you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
