i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
