you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Dignity is for republicans.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
