I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
