Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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