my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
