I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
