He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
