why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
