She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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