i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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