i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Enjoy the penises
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
