she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
