i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
