Will you blow on my dice?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
