he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
