At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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