Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
