i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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