Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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