I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize