yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
