my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
