I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
