i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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