hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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