you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
