the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
