I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
