I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize