I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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